Welcome back again to another podcast of Struggling Well. And just as a reminder, Struggling Well is a part of our ministry, Tandem Spirituality. And I say that because we just have revised our website. And so, if you've never been to the website or if you've been and it's been a long time and you're out, what's new, we'd love encourage you to go back and look at www. tandemspirituality. com. And we're really pleased. I think it better describes who we are, what we're doing currently. There's a spot there, a page there for the u podcast. There's a page there that you can link in to get my book. and
can they contact us through that?
Yes, you can contact us through that. And,
we'd love your feedback on it. So, if there's I think there's a place there that you can contact us. That would be awesome.
Yeah. So, anyway, go to the website and if you've never been, it'll be a new experience. If you've been before, there'll be a different experience. So, we want to encourage you to do that.
And we're hoping that we're still working the kinks out of it, but we're we've talked about having like a weekly little blur from Jimmy, one week, one week for me. Just another in addition to the podcast. So, so that there will be a reason for you to go back. We hope.
Yeah. So, we want to talk a little bit this morning about grief.
Yeah. I you know, my brother passed away March 15th. So, we're in week five. Would that be true? Which seems impossible. And this is a real
freewheeling podcast right now. There's I don't have a lot of structure. to it, but it's just been something that maybe it'll resonate with you. And Jimmy and I are just going to talk back and forth about the whole weariness of grief. And both of us have lost our parents. they died at would seem to be a reasonable age. with elderly people, we while we miss them terribly and wish they were still here, there's a little bit of a difference because we feel like they've lived a good long life. if you talk to anyone who has had a child who has passed away. It's not a reasonable grief. It just feels like why so short so soon? And so grief has so many different facets. And when you are grieving, your process is going to look a little different than someone else's. Sometimes it has to do with who they lost. loss of an elderly parent or grandparent may look different. or not, but could look different than someone who has lost a child. And so I have been thinking a lot about how weird grief is. You have any thoughts off the top before I
you know, and not only the timing of loss, but also the manner in which someone dies?
Yes.
we've had again somewhat because of my
role as a pastor for many years, but even more recently had to walk alongside some folks who lost a love because of suicide, which is a different
dynamic to it all. And so it's and I think the hard part is I think sometimes we judge people's grief by the way we would handle grief.
Yes.
And therefore we're either maybe judgmental of the way they're handling it or can't believe the way they're handling it. And grief is a very individual thing for all of us.
You know, I remember probably 20 years ago, maybe more. a young friend, her husband was killed in a car accident and I didn't really have that much knowledge about grief, but I read this book and it said there were six stages of grief. So, I kept looking for her to go through stage one, stage two, stage three. And one of the things that it said was that six weeks is like a turning point. So, I remember in my innocence, thinking when she got to six weeks that she would be just happy and fine. And I bumbled my way through that grief with that friend. because I had no idea. And wouldn't it be great if there were stages and you could click them off and then you know life went back to I don't know either went back or went forward in ways but that is not how grief goes. Yes, there are probably stages of anger, denial and all that stuff. Not I'm not saying that there's not. However, as I have experienced the loss of my brother and that eye came out way too strong cuz Jimmy has experienced that. My sister-in-law and my nieces and their spouses and kids and my kids a lot of people have experienced the loss of Warren not being with us anymore. And if we all got in a room and talked about how we felt, I'm sure it would be different. what my sister-in-law is experiencing is, you know, the person she's been with 24/7 and took incredible care of is no longer there. So, she has this big expanse of time in which her grief probably has blossomed into something very different than mine. But one of the things that has surprised me about grief is the physicality of it.
you know, I have when we first heard that Warren passed away, I certainly had emotion. but what has hit me now is this very strange fatigue and it's, you know, we have this beautiful weather. My family, my, immediate family, everybody seems to be doing okay. There doesn't
there's not a reason for me to feel I wouldn't call it down. I would call it just fatigued. And I don't know if you've ever experienced that, like a mental overload. Yeah, I it's hard sometimes to process even though we know someone we cared for, someone we loved is no longer there, it's hard to process the fact that they aren't there, that I can't access them.
Um
and that's the thing with my brother that's probably
I have so many questions about our shared history and he's the last keeper of that information and I you know at least once or twice a week. I'm thinking, "Oh, I need to ask Warren about that." And I can't.
Yeah. Well, you know, if I was to were to show you my phone, my cell phone in my favorites, there are two names in my favorites of people who were dear to me who are no longer alive. And yet, I keep their names in my favorites. Why? I mean, I can't call them. But there have been times when I thought, "Oh, I need to call." And then I can't call them. And So grief is a funny thing and the scripture says that we grieve but not like those without hope
right
so at the end of the day what makes us different or what separates us from the people who don't know Christ people who don't have the hope of eternity because of Jesus is not that we won't grieve we will grieve but it's not without hope
just a couple of things that I am experiencing so this is going to sound a lot about I don't mean that my grief is we've all experienced it on some level but just a couple of thoughts that I've had. First of all, it's easy when your heart is broken to isolate. It's real easy to isolate. Secondly, you are waiting for people to mention to find out how you are to check in and it's a funny thing that people as they should have moved on. The sun has come up multiple times since my brother passed away. So there's that weird thing like is does anybody even care anymore? the so in isolation and that waiting to see if people will check in is hard and that can compound your grief. But as I through the years have met with people that have lost loved ones, keeping in contact with other people and sharing your grief is really important. But the only place to receive solace in your grief is through God's word because it is replete from Genesis to Revelation with loss with gain through Christ but loss and that's where I know that I have found strength and just ability to keep rolling and know that my grief is not falling on deaf ears that God knows. I mean God sent his only son to die for me. So he knows grief. Jesus knows grief. He went to the tomb where Lazarus had been dead and raised him from the dead. Lazarus did have to die again. And so we don't have a father. We don't have the son or the spirit that is separate from our grief.
Yeah. And so as you think about it, the other thing I would say from a human perspective is to remember people that have lost someone. maybe a friend of yours lost a parent or lost a child and it's been a year, it's been two years. Don't assume because it's been a period of time that there's not a place where you can't bring encouragement and you can't bring comfort by saying, "Hey, I know it was a year ago. I know it was two years ago, two years ago when you lost soand so. I just wanted to see how you're doing. I just wanted to check in. What are the things you remember about their life that bring you joy?" don't forget people and I think that's an important thing again as Suzi said ultimately God doesn't forget but I think it's something we can do with one another that brings encouragement to one another so we would end with this if you are struggling with grief please don't isolate tell people what you're feeling you'll see the people that are willing to go there with you and then go to the word because that's the only place where life and death make sense
we'll welcome you back next time have a great every week.