Welcome back to another episode of Struggling Well, we're glad you're with us. So, Jimmy, what should we talk about this morning?
Oh, I thought that was what you were going to tell me.
I know, but I just thought
you just felt like you wanted to come to me.
Yeah, I just wanted to come to you just for fun.
So, now Suzi, what does it we should talk about this morning?
Well, you and I have been talking about this and it has certainly been heavy on my heart. How to care for people when they're struggling. And
yeah,
it's a big it's a big topic. I mean, scripture gives us indication that we should. It doesn't necessarily give us the details of how, like in Galatians 6, it says that we're to bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. Well, you have to understand what the law of Christ was. The law of Christ in my mind was to love one another,
right?
So, you bear one another's burdens by by loving others. And again, that's a great concept, great sentiment, but there's no real fleshing out of how you do that.
Yeah.
Well, what in the book of Acts, we see some idea of when the church was is being formed there that they cared for each other. They if somebody had a need, they would fill that need. Is that what that's talking about?
Well, I think there's I think that can be a part of it. I mean, there are times when it's you know, somebody needs a meal, make a meal.
Mhm.
Somebody needs some warmer clothes, you got warmer clothes, give it to them. I mean, there are those examples of fulfilling something physically, but I think there's more to walking into someone's life who's struggling than just doing those things. Why does it seem that people shy away from that? Like there will be whether it's a church, a Bible study, a community group or whatever or your neighborhood even, there seem to be just a core group of people that whenever there is an issue, they quickly rise up to the occasion. Do you have any thoughts about why that may be difficult for people?
Well, no. I think it's I think sometimes the again I'm not making this unimportant, but I think the easiest thing to do is to make a meal. The easiest thing to do would be to raise some money to give somebody who needs it that
those tang practical things th those really are the easy things because they don't require a whole lot of thought I there's a need and again there's a legitimate need there meet the need
right
and so we do it and it may be the same people you know now in the culture we live in and the day and age we live in there's signup genius or whatever it may be that your church or your organization uses
who was developed by somebody we know Yeah. Well, and maybe, you know, maybe that's the way to do it. And then you can slot it out so you don't get 15 meals delivered on one day. I think that's great.
But we're talking on a different level, aren't we? As far as coming alongside somebody. I mean, the practical part is really important because if like you said, those needs need to be met,
right?
However, it's the place I think where somebody needs, you know, when somebody dies, it's visually I've I think of a ship and rats running off the ship because it's going down like ah we got to get out of here because they don't know what to do, how to come alongside someone who's had a loss, how to come alongside someone who's dealing with a terminal illness or just someone who is maybe emotionally wrestling with issues.
Yeah. Well, and again we've seen this again because of what I did for a living. we I saw this played out time and time again. So did you. someone loses a loved one and there's an immediate response right in those first few days. Everybody's there. Everybody comes to the funeral. Everybody wants to help. Everybody wants to sign up. And but that person is going to carry that loss way beyond those initial days and weeks.
Yeah.
And then that's when you don't necessarily find people I mean they just don't remember or they move on with life.
Yeah.
Because their life is moving on but that person who has that loss isn't and there are those needs that are less practically answered by a meal. I'm just using that as an example.
how do you how do you care for somebody? And I think it begins with people want to be seen and people want to be heard.
Yeah.
And so you've got to create the space to be with that person and to listen to that person and listen to what's going on in their heart. And then there are people and I don't know where you would fall in this category or where Tim would fall, but when they're going through something that's you know, let's say a loss of a loved one or illness of a loved one and they just cannot they don't they can't talk about it. It's they're still they don't know how to articulate it yet. how do you come alongside people like that?
Well, I think you there's got to be sensitivity to that. individual. Again, we love to have formulas to figure out you do this, this, this, and this. Well,
it's much more organic than that. And so, I think you have to come alongside with a sensitivity. And that person may not be ready to talk. And if they're not ready to talk, can I still
make them aware of my presence and my concern for them without forcing them to do something that is what I think they should do?
Yeah. A lot of times, you know, and I find this in my myself. A lot of times, I feel like I can help you if you'll give me more information about what is going on in your heart. And I think that's the part where we think, well, I can do what the Holy Spirit does. And we're not saying that out loud. Excuse me. But we're saying, you know, we're basically believing that we can handle that person's issues, their struggle, as opposed to just reading them well, listening, like you said. seeing them and then staying with somebody for the long haul. yeah.
Yeah. It's again it's having the sensitivity to his old phrase, read the situation, read the room, and trying to respond in a way that is Christlike. So I want to love them. I want to love them well and not feel like there's something that I need to do. if they're not ready to hear that.
a thousand things are coming in my mind, probably all stories from back when you've pastored. But, it's great to do the practical, obviously necessary. but to be able to sit with somebody and be okay that they're quiet, that they can't articulate yet, I think that's a real gift. I think A lot of people, they don't know what to do, so they stay away. And then there are other people that come in close, but they're they don't really read the situation, and so they're not willing to stay with that person in a quiet space. We've talked about this many times on our podcast, the Jewish tradition of sitting Shiva with people that have lost somebody. There's something beautiful about that, of just having the presence of these people.
Yeah. And so it's you know, it takes thought, it takes prayer, it takes consideration. God, what would you want me to do? I think the other side of it is often times we feel like we have to fix a situation,
right?
And there may not be a fix. You know, it's I don't want to feel the pressure of feeling like I have to have an answer.
Mhm.
I just want to listen.
All right. Let me ask you a question. And I'm putting you on the spot. I know I am. You've got the deer in the headlights. It's okay. You'll be fine. So, it hasn't been that long ago when you had the incident where you had to have a pacemaker put in,
right?
What did you want people to do? How did you want them to respond?
That's a great question. I don't I'm trying to think back. It was just this past summer. I should probably remember how I wanted people to respond. but I don't know how I wanted to respond to be honest with you. Maybe just to be there, to be aware. that this was difficult. it was, you know, there's still something to me. I don't think about it like I did when it first took place, but there's something inside my body that keeps my heart functioning in a way that I can tell you now the results are I see a greater sense of energy every day because of that.
and I didn't want people to feel sorry for me. I didn't want people to minimize it. I don't know, Suzi. It's a great question. I don't think I ever really thought how did I want people to respond. I
I think we all have expectations. maybe that's just me. I don't know. But my expectations can change second by second because you know emotionally I'm you know if it's hard or whatever. I just you know I we've been through several situations in our lives where I've I haven't like you I haven't really known what I've wanted or expect. It makes me kind of crazy. and I probably that probably is a block even when I come to the word of God because I'm not sure what my heart needs, but I do know that he knows what my heart needs.
Right. Right. I'm going to have to sit with that question now that you raised it. Thanks so much for my day.
You're welcome. But we are just wanting to address this today. there's a lot going on everywhere. this isn't just about struggle. This is also about you probably have friends that are in a really good season right now and maybe they are flourishing in ways that you know maybe you're wondering why isn't that happening to me? I think the same thing holds true. How do you come alongside someone who is doing well and flourishing?
Yeah. And scripture talks about we rejoice with those who rejoice and we weep with those who weep. I mean th those are two the two picture of two extremes about life and So, if somebody's doing really well, how can I rejoice with them, not sit there saying, "I wish it was me."
Yeah.
God, why isn't it me if it's them? And weep with those who weep. And
you know, it all takes I mean, I'm not trying to simplify it and this is not a formula by any means, but I know for me, I have to allow the spirit of God to be the one who speaks in any situation, whether it's somebody wrestling with hard stuff or somebody who is in the midst of a really good season to be able to come alongside them to mourn with those who mourn, weep with those who weep, and rejoice with those who rejoice.
Yeah. And so it goes back to what Paul says in Galatians, we're going to fulfill the law of Christ. What's the law of Christ? To love one another.
That's how Jesus said people will know you're my disciples by the way you love one another.
And that needs whether it's good times or hard times or whatever, that's what needs to stay. front and center in our minds.
Just in case anybody's wondering, I can give you a couple of heads up. If, let's say, I get sick or something, here's a couple of things that I need. ginger ale, Oreos, even if I've got the stomach flu, I still want Oreos. I want somebody to bring me a good book. And I probably want somebody to watch a Korean drama with me.
I know you all think I'm crazy. It's okay. It's okay.
Have a great week. Thanks, for being with us.