Welcome back again to another episode of Struggling Well, as we sit and talk about life and the ways in which we find ourselves struggling at times. And my hope and my prayer, our hope and our prayer is that you would struggle well. And what we mean by that is that you would find your hope in Christ, the one who is the source of hope in the midst of the lives that we live. And so we want to continue that conversation in different ways, but in the similar way this week,
I hope that I am not that no one will be offended by this or that I'm going back to a topic that you're all hoping is way behind me, but it's not. when you listen to this podcast, it will have been approximately 10 weeks since my brother passed away. And I know that all of the material about grieving says, you know, after 6 weeks, we talked about this before, there'll be a turn and everything. But I the reason why I'm sharing it with you is it comes out of the book of Galatians, where in chapter 6, Paul tells the people at the church of Galatia, share each other's burdens and in this way obey the law of Christ. And so what I want to talk to you about this morning, and it's kind of random thoughts, and hopefully it'll be cohesive at in some point in this morning, and that Jimmy, you'll enter in as well, is 10 weeks after my brother passed away, who you all know I adored. we are very close. I just listened to a message I've forgotten that I had. I'd hidden it in my notes application and I just listened to it last night and it was my brother's voice telling me that just telling me how much he loved me and also us talking about the struggle and the suffering that he was in the midst of. And I wish that when we lose someone, whether it's through death or somebody moves far away or you lose a job or anything, think that there was this neat little place in your heart that you could just put that in. And there's not. And I don't think it's just a woman thing. I think it's the way God intended is that grief is a part of life. And yes, it's been 10 weeks. And I haven't talked about this in maybe four or five weeks, but listening to that message last night from my brother where he said in a very weak voice, he told me that he loved me, but he also was asking me to pray that if God would be merciful and let him stay. And he had one request that God would moderate the pain. I think God answered that prayer. Not necessarily how we thought, but he moderated it and took warning to heaven where there's no more pain or sorrow. But here's the issue. I have found that I am extremely squirrely as a person. Jimmy, you already know that. You didn't know you married a squirrel. But something hit me just the other day when I was at church and this very kind woman was saying hello to me and she had this look in her eyes like she wanted to ask me how I was and I felt myself and I did I drifted physically I drifted away from her and I just kept walking but I my face was turned towards her and I was kind of waving and she kept looking at me and finally I went back and I gave her a hug and she asked me the question I knew she was going to ask. which was, "I'm so sorry about your brother. How are you?" And it about undid me. It about undoes me now 10 weeks later. And that is because the way God designed us is that grief of any kind does not just go into a neat little box and stay there. And so, think about your lifetime and all the places where you have experienced loss of any kind or disappointment or whatever. God's The word tells us we are to share and bear each other's burdens. But most of us, or maybe I shouldn't even make that, many of us struggle all by ourselves. And I'm not quite sure why I do that. Again, I know I'm really squirly, but why is that? When and you look in the book of Acts, I know it's a different setup. The church was being set up, but one of the things that strikes me in Acts is all the believers were together and they devoted themselves to teaching, but they devoted themselves to one another. It feels like somehow I'm we I don't do that or we don't do that. I don't know.
Yeah. So, as you went back through the events of that recent experience with that lady, what why were you dreading her asking how you were doing?
I think because just like right now as you're looking at me.
Okay. I It's just I think it's the complicatedness of who we are as people.
and it is easier maybe to go solo on it and not engage somebody else. And yet we are to engage people. And when but when we're confronted with that in real life, sometimes it would be easier just to go it alone.
Yeah. And I think like yesterday when that happened, I think I was afraid I was just going to melt away and but I'm melting right now on our podcast. Sorry everybody.
That's all right.
Um
yeah, so I you know it again I think that we so love for life to be neat and packaged and wrapped up. We love for the Christian life to have everything be black and white and be without any kind of area of gray or any kind of area that confuses us. And yet it's not simple. It's not without its struggle. And so we find ourselves having to go to the Lord as the one who helps unravel the mysteries of why we react the way we did. We do.
Absolutely. But the thing that has hit me is as I look back over these weeks, I certainly have let people into my grief and there is a relief that I believe God intended or wants to see happen, a peace, that's the wrong word. bearing each other's burdens that is really impactful to the soul. And I think of my friends and other people that have reached out to me that I haven't bit afraid to unbburden myself with them and the weight of my sadness doesn't feel as heavy when I share it with somebody else. But for some reason yesterday it just threw me because this woman that I'm speaking about is a lovely woman. She's very kind, very insightful, all those things. But I don't know. I don't know. It just made me think, why am I trying to go solo here? And so I told her a little bit and obviously that was yesterday and I feel undone today for whatever reason. But so while I'm composing myself, here's my question. Why do we not bear each other's burdens? why are we afraid? And I asked you this question a couple of weeks ago, Jimmy. I said, who is your go-to person that you can say anything to? And we talked about that a little bit. And we were each trying to think about people that we felt absolutely safe with, absolutely able to say anything at any time. And it is a short list. Now, I think it's really important that you're careful with who you share your heart with, but I think God designed us in such a way to live in community and to be in unity. And Paul certainly was clear when he shared about what he was feeling. It I don't think it was to garner sympathy. I think he was saying to them the truth of this is hard. in a bad place. Even when he asked about the thorn in the flesh, it's I want this gone, Lord. But here's what has also struck me is not only do I find myself being squirly with other people, but I get squirly with God. And he already knows my thoughts. He already knows before I even think them. He knows. He knows the ache in my heart. And yet I get like funny with God. Like I can't tell you how much this hurts. I don't understand all this. And this is complete rambling off the top of my head today. So bear with me or turn it off, whatever you want to do. But it's just something that struck me about bearing each other's burdens and then being willing to take that lament to God. it's just something I'm wrestling with.
Yeah. And I think the other thing is when we talk about bearing each other's burdens, when somebody comes up and asks me about how I am or what's going on, it's do they genuinely care? Do they genuinely want to know? Are they or are they just curious for the sake of curiosity?
Yeah.
And to bear a burden of another person means I take it on in some way, shape, or form. not that I'm responsible for, but I'm responsible to that person to do it. So if somebody comes up and says, "Hey, will you pray for me?" I need to be very clear that I'm going to do that.
I don't want to just say, "Oh, yeah. I'll pray for you. and then forget it. I want to be very clear that's something I'll follow through on because that person has entrusted what to whatever level they've entrusted something going on in their life to me to be one who intervenes for them before God on behalf of that struggle.
I think that's a really important point of when you share something with a person, a sadness, a loss, a pain, a struggle, whatever, and you ask them to pray that it's not just, like if you go, "Yes, I'll pray." I love the way you said that. We have to pray. We're going to intercede for that person. Bring their pain, their struggle before God, bringing their name before the very throne of God. And we're probably hesitant with that. I wonder if sometimes my hesitation is I wonder, are they really going to pray? and then there are lots of other things around that as well.
Yeah. So, as we talk through these things, as you think about these things and the complexities of relationship and the complexities of life, I we want you to know that we are to live in community and that's not easy to do and hope and pray that you find your community. And I want to mention one thing which I hope feels like it fits and that is you we've mentioned before that our new website is up and it's tandemspirituality. com. And I believe on that website there's a place where you can get in touch with us and comment. You can ask for prayer and I will tell you that as we look at those requests and anything that you might share, it is completely confidential and we also will pray because we know how important it is and we believe that is what God intended for us as a community. So I hope that you go on the website that you enjoy it, that you just tool around through it and then if you need to contact us or you don't have to put your name or do anything, but we will pray and we hope that we can come alongside you.
Have a great week.